Boosting your happiness at work. Part one:- are you asking yourself the right questions?

How many people do you know who are happy at work? – (I fully realise that there are other factors influencing our feelings but for the next few minutes, lets focus on work.)

Yes, I know it’s a big question, you are reading lots about happiness at work on social media and it even makes the TV news. In a sense it’s too big, too nebulous – what does “happy” mean anyway?! Like me, you could be pondering that one all day so…..

Let me ask another question or two.

How many people do you know who talk about their job with passion, who wake up in the morning (well, most mornings anyway) and actually look forward to going to work with a sense of excitement and anticipation about what the day will bring?

Do you?

I know a few folks who fit into that category… but I know others of all ages, who often wake up with a cocktail of less welcome feelings spinning around inside. Such feelings can include, anxiety, panic, dread, depression, boredom and in some cases, such an overwhelming mixture of the above that they would and occasionally do, turn right back over and bed down for a duvet day. If this continues, wellbeing suffers and mental health problems can arise.

“So, if I want to be happier at work, what can I do about it?” I hear you say!

Firstly, if you are the person looking forward to work….celebrate that, and spread a little of your enthusiasm within your team.. although the chances are they’re pretty happy too, because you work in the same place. Culture is a key influencer on the happiness barometer!

1. Get curious

If, however, you are hiding under the duvet or starting to feel that that would be a preferred option on a regular basis, then you need to do some detective work. Channelling your inner detective is useful but be careful…. the type of questions you ask yourself are key to what you will learn and to how quickly you solve the mystery and move forward.

2. Have a go at this thought experiment.

Ask yourself the following questions. (In my experience, these are the questions that people ask,  as clients usually come to work with me having worked out all of the answers to them)

Be disciplined and only spend a few seconds on each response and then move on.

  • How do I feel? What emotions can I identify here?
  • What is wrong at work that is making me feel this way?
  • How long have I been feeling this bad for?
  • What are the main problems and who is responsible?
  • Whose fault is this and……
  • What should they be doing about it?

How do you feel when you ask yourself these questions? Better… or worse and more likely to hibernate?

3. Get curious in a different way with a new focus

Now….. wipe the slate clean, look around the room, look at something that makes you smile, ground yourself in the present moment, take a breath or two and ask yourself this new set of questions:-

  • What feelings do I notice when I breathe, focus inward and notice what is going on for me?
  • What are the work based triggers that are impacting so strongly on my mindset and feelings? ( useful to identify in relation to taking action)
  • How do I want to feel?
  • What would I like to happen at work, that would help me to feel more energised, happier and to get my spark back?
  • What CAN I actually do to begin to take control, feel more energised and get my spark back?
  • What one thing WILL I do today, that will start to make a positive difference?

How do you feel now? – Feedback strongly shows that the proactive and solution focused, second set of questions, help to empower people and inspire a more positive, optimistic and motivated approach to change. This relates to Emotional Intelligence so feel free to check back to this post for more on EQ Emotional Intelligence at Work. What’s it all about?

If you have done the thought experiment and noticed the positive impact of the second set of questions, follow through.

Do one thing differently every day and begin to notice the differences. Let me know your experiences. Either comment below or email me at bridget@bridgetclapham.co.uk .

Part two (look out for my next post), will explore some tried and tested examples of actions you can take to increase your happiness and wellbeing at work and in general.

Until next time…

Bridget

 

 

 

Ten habits for getting the best from your 121’s at work … to improve fulfillment and productivity.

If your 121 meetings are productive, positive and play a crucial role in moving forward in happily achieving company vision than maybe you don’t need to read this.

If not, read on and see how helpful you find it!. Either way, do message me or comment to share your experiences whether they are of best practice, or of the more frustrating variety!

What’s the point of 121’s?

The weekly, fortnightly or monthly 121 between a manager and team member is a fabulous opportunity for celebration, problem solving, creating thinking, learning and development.

It’s a chance for a senior individual to meet with a junior individual to check progress in relation to projects, the day job and ultimately checking that all is well, people are confident and supported and that all activity is in line with achieving the team and company vision.

“What a great idea – a no brainer”……. I hear you say!

Why then do I hear so many people, in many different organisations saying “ It’s a waste of time” “ Don’t see the point of them” and “ Ah, yes, 121’s….well…..we always mean to have them but something always seems to get in the way” ?

What goes wrong?

Talking to many team members and managers across many businesses, it seems that very often,  the 121 meeting is a tick box affair with managers and staff, short of time and focused solely on checking progress and on correcting poor performance.   Closed and leading questions are common, such as “Now that new project, you’re all Ok with that aren’t you?” to which the team member is highly likely to say “Yes” even if this is far from the case!

These meetings, it would seem, when they do happen, are often squeezed in to a busy week and, for this and other reasons, neither participant is able to be fully present. Both parties often have their brains darting all over the place to past, present and future challenges and focus is thus affected.

Getting the best from the routine 121 meeting.

Having created space in your diary for a 121, how do you both get the most from the precious time that you are spending together?

Here are my ten recommendations for leaders, managers and individuals who are meeting for 121’s and want to make them worthwhile.

  1. Manage your Mindset. Take time before the meeting to breathe and create headspace. This will help you to park other thoughts, be more mindful, focus on the outcomes of the meeting and thus have a positive attitude and approach.
  2. Build your knowledge and awareness of EQ skills….and use them. Emotional Intelligence at Work. What’s it all about?
  3. Decide what you want to have achieved when you both leave the meeting and…. “begin with the end in mind” as Covey would advocate!
  4. Always agree upon two sets of outcomes when setting the agenda.
    1. A focus on WHAT is going on i.e. strategy, projects, progress and challenges.
    2. A focus on HOW the individual and manager are operating i.e. using great skills, identifying skills gaps, awareness of how much pressure the individual is under, and how they are feeling about workload and success levels. In this way you can identify skills objectives and how the individual can be supported to develop skills that are lacking.
  5. Work out a format for your meetings that works – this may be that you spend the first part of the meeting, however long with your attention on WHAT and the second part on HOW or…… cleverly combine the two using great coaching skills along the way.
  6. Be fully present for each other during the meeting – choose the right meeting space, put phones on silent, park other thoughts, boundary the time you will spend, focus and delve in!
  7. Celebrate successes since the last 121 and identify the skills that have used to achieve it. The individual may be able to mentor another team member who is looking to develop the same skills!  To praise or not to praise? That is the leadership question!
  8. Identify challenges and adopt a creative and problem solving approach to overcoming them. Remember that between you, you have many years of experience and a combined skill set that is phenomenal.
  9. When mistakes or errors have been made, adopt a case study approach so that you can reflect together, be creative and plan to incorporate learnings in the future.
  10. Leave the room with a SHARED understanding of what you have spoken about and agreed and of next steps. 

Suggested exercise for leaders and team members.

a) Talk through these 10 habits with your team member and benchmark yourselves against them.

b) Decide where you need to focus and go for it!  I have a feeling that the quality of your 121’s, your working relationship and your productivity will all benefit.

c) Reflect upon the changes you have made and adapt further if necessary.

Do let me know how you get on and please share this to others who may find it of value.

Until next time

Best wishes

Bridget Clapham. Executive Coach and Development Consultant

www.bridgetclapham.co.uk

 

 

 

 

 

Thoughts about confidence – what’s it all about?

How often do you hear someone say..(that someone could be you!) that they have lost some confidence or that they would be able to do something more easily, if only they had more confidence?  We often talk about it as if it is something tangible when in fact it isn’t!

What has happened here is that through the way we use language, we have turned something that is a feeling, a way of being, sometimes a cocktail of feelings, into a simple noun. An elusive thing!

Sadly we cannot go into our favourite store and purchase a bag of “confidence”. It doesn’t work like that. I would go as far as to say that, in truth, “confidence” as such, does not exist.

If we can identify and recognise “it” as a feeling – a sense of “being” confident,  we start to take control. That sense of control starts to come because we are experts in feeling different emotions and “being” in different states. Lets face it, we have been doing it since we were born!

Your amazing brain has many memories of feeling the way you feel when you have the feeling that you describe as confident. It knows which parts of itself to activate and exactly which cocktail of neurochemistry to create. If you need to feel more confident, you can give your brain a helping hand.

This simple  brain training experiment will demonstrate:-

  1. Take a few moments and sit or be somewhere where you can have some peace and quiet!
  2. Go into your memory banks and think of a time when you felt really confident. What were you doing? Where were you? Who was there? What was happening?
  3. Immerse yourself in that memory ( you will probably be smiling by now)  and step right back into it.
  4. Imagine you are back there again, seeing the sights and hearing the sounds that were going on at the time.
  5. Notice how you feel and smile some more as you replay the events of that memory.
  6. Stop and notice how much of the original confident feelings your brain has cleverly regenerated for you! If you could measure your neurochemistry right now, it would be very different to how it was before you started the exercise!

Clever eh?

Play with this and if you are wanting to incrementally build your ability to “be” confident more of the time, I invite you to do this exercise daily, several times. Notice the differences!

There is a wealth of neuroscience to support these ideas and if you are interested in more ways to run your brain differently, you can look up the many works of two of my teachers :- Dr Richard Bandler co- creator of NLP and Paul McKenna. If it’s business texts you are looking for check out the work of Simon Sinek. he includes some great explanation of our positive neurotransmitters in his book Leaders Eat Last

The aim of this post is to get you thinking about how you “do” confident and to invite you to be curious about how you work on ways to BE the way you want to be in different situations. I am aware that there are many variables to consider and this is one piece of the jigsaw.

Watch out for more pieces. I am excited that I will be sharing them with you!

Until next time

Best wishes

Bridget

 

 

The birth of a blog! Really Useful Stuff!

Welcome to my blogging adventure, sharing really useful stuff to folks around the world!

Let me elaborate… In my work as a Coach, working with leaders and people at work, with private clients and with students I often send them stuff which relates to the coaching and which is intended to help them to live a happier, more successful and generally more positive life.

The “stuff” can take the form of my own thoughts and alleged wisdom relating to the coaching we have shared to video links, Ted talks, Images, quotes and articles to compliment the coaching. The usual response from my clients is to say:-

“Thanks Bridget, that stuff you sent was really useful.!”

Reflecting on this led me to think that over  the years I have amassed a wealth of resources, some ( lots actually!)  in my head and some in my PC! Why send stuff to just one person when it could be shared to a wider audience?

I will be honest with you folks. I haven’t a clue about how to make best use of the software resources designed to help me blog so I am on a steep learning curve. I invite you to join me and to support me as I build up an online resource of stuff. Who knows how really useful you will find it!

Until next time

Bridget Clapham. http://www.bridgetclapham.co.uk